I had a dream last night that is still haunting me. I cannot move it from my mind, and when I woke up it took quite a bit of effort to realize if it had actually happened, or not.
In my dream, I was laying in bed next to Josh. I heard a noise so I stood up and looked towards the door. It opened slowly and my mother walked in, wearing a pair of red silk pajamas that she has had for a long time. She had her full head of hair, and was walking just fine. Her weight was normal, she had color in her skin- it was as if she had never gotten sick at all.
I quickly looked over at Josh, and he was still snoozing next to me. Mom walked over to me, smiled and took my hand in hers. In my dream, and probably in real life, I began to cry and sob. I knew what this meant, I knew what she was doing.
“It’s time for me to go.” I didn’t want to hear that, not in my dream and definitely not in my conscious life. My heart lurched, and I hugged her. I begged with her no, not right now. Please stay, I’m not ready. She hugged me and said it was going to be fine, and that she loved me. I told her I loved her too, so much, and that she should stay, at least to see Bobby and the kids (who will be flying in this Saturday).
I can’t quite remember what she said exactly after that, but I know that she held me and I cried, she just looked so calm and peaceful. She held my hands so tight, and continued to tell me just how much I meant to her, and that she was so happy to have me as her daughter. I cried, and cried in the dream. She squeezed my hands one last time and then I was awake. I was jerked back to consciousness with a wet face and a damp pillow.
Take what you will of the dream, but I know it wasn’t just a dream. My mother has always been one to believe in the “paranormal” if you will, and when she was in the hospital she told me that at night she visits her children and watches us sleep- just to make sure we’re okay. When her mother, my grandmother was sick, she was living with us with the aid of hospice. She, too had cancer and spent most of her days in a morphine sleep. In the middle of the night, my mother said she had this dream, that my grammy was sitting with her, telling her how much she loved her. My mother awoke, and walked to my grammy’s bedroom. You can see where this is going.
My mom walked in, and my grammy was awake. She smiled, and my mom held her hand. Mom said “I love you” and my grammy nodded, and passed away. Part of me wants to think it was just a dream, but I also know she doesn’t have much time left. Right now, I’d like to think my sweet talking convinced her to stay for just a few more days.
